Yaar....Copper.....(please don't hit me)

Well since I have a couple months to make up for in terms of response I will do my best to cover everything that was covered.

I was happy that you had a job but i knew that as far as THE job that you had I didn't think that you would exactly enjoy it.  I mean don't get me wrong like I said I was happy that you had a job but sales where you have to be fake and push people to buy things that they dont' necessarily need, was never your style.  It's a job where you have to be ok with that, and I know a couple people and have met a couple people where that sales 'style' becomes part of their personalities as well. I would never want you to come off as fake.

Lets see...that covers jobs....

Yeah I always liked Ryan, shame he doesn't really like me.  To be fair when we lived together me and him and you and I, I wasn't mature yet.  To be honest I had this air of I expected everyone to do this for me because I was spoiled and if it came down to it I could have my parents or someone else help/bail me out.  When I was living in the apartment I had dawson who I knew didn't really care as far as how things looked so that didnt really help and then it was living with you and Ryan.  I know that I've grown up quite a bit since then however, don't get me wrong I still relapse. I just hope its only for a couple hours maybe 48 at most that I let dishes sit now.  I won't say that I'm OCD but I can appreciate and respect coming home to a clean house. And as much as it seems like common sense to do something when it's small so that the mess doesn't get big...i sometimes struggle to remember that. 

Old me/Living situations/Apology for being not clean ^^

Me going forward.  I don't really like talking about Joe and him getting a house to be honest cause again it forces me this time to grow up. And I'm not saying this to put pressure on you to move at all, I am mostly saying/typing this for myself to read as I type it maybe reinforce something with myself.  If Joe does get his own place it could potentially give me two options.  I could either A) live with Stacy and Sean and dennis in their house and continue living with people I dont necessarily dislike but not people that I would voluntarily choose to live with (Sean is fine and so are all of them for that matter, just too much like college for me in terms of amounts of partying)  or B) I could live by myself. I hate living by myself. I've never been good at it, and to be honest it makes me pretty down cause it's like I don't really have anyone to talk to. I appreciate the alone time and I appreciate being lost in my thoughts but for the majority of the time, I like having someone around to share meals with and just talk and bullshit. This is kind of what I mean in regards to moving forward with my life. To be fair I know at some point it's going to have to happen but I dont know that i'm ready to live by myself.

^near future.

You... Complete me, you had me at hello...
No but in all seriousness the fears that we talked about I share as well, letting people down is never good or never feels good for that matter. In all honesty though we have to try because if we don't try we end up disastified with where we are in our lives. And like me I know that the worst part is that we have no one to blame but ourselves. I recently came to the discovery that I allow my friends and family and people that I don't want to let down be the reasons that i don't strive for new opportunities. But I use them as excuses so that I don't have to go for the things that should be bettering me and making me a better person.  On the flip side of that coin in terms of who to blame....well..I blame myself, and there's nothing more sobering than realizing at the end of the day when someone else is doing something or being someone you wanted to be because you weren't man enough to do it.
You have the ability to be something that you want to be.  

Maybe you won't be something great because maybe it's not what you strive for...let me explain cause I dont want to come off as an ass.  I'm not looking for greatness in my life, I'm looking for something simple but all in all i'm looking to be happy. I don't need to make millions of dollars I just want to have someone that cares about me, a family, my family, and friends.  For me that's simple and nothing extravagant. Maybe thats what you are looking for.  If life brings you back to appleton, I know that I was a hermit messy and probably a bit of a pain in the ass before I would definitely make sure that we were going out and using one another to push towards the future because you are someone I want in my future and heck it's been almost if not 10 years. That's a third of my life.  Regardless of what does happen though I know that you and I will always be good (unless I move outside of 500 miles).

^^You

Well I know that you're probably thinking at this point that I'm missing something/someone.  I am actually going to omit those thoughts for now because a paragraph or two isn't going to truly explain how I feel and also maybe because I'm not 100% sure how I feel about everything yet myself too.  But I will be checking this much more frequent and writing as well, so I will put a post about her in the near future (next couple weeks)

Saving the best for last, or at least the most impactful. ^^^

Life after T-Mobile

Well fuck buddy,
err...I mean "Well Fuck, Buddy"  changes the whole opener when I use the right punctuation.  I enjoy the holidays while working at t-mobile.  I really enjoyed the new challenge the job brought with it.  I have had plenty of customer service jobs prior to this job, but not a real sales position.  The mentality proved to be too much for me to grasp in the time that I was given.  I was not asked to stay permanently in a part time position.  I was informed a week prior to my last day.  I was also informed midway through my shift of the decision.  It was fucking hard to deal with the rejection that day specifically and also the rest of the week.  I was determined despite bad attitude at moments to succeed and finish my time their on a bright note...although I was bitching far more often than I would like to admit. 
     With the loss of the job, That means I am now unable to pay Ryan for rent.  I know their were times where it was difficult living with him since it was only a one bedroom apartment with the two of us sharing it, I know he is going to miss me.  Also, he's having a rough time with his boss at his full time job, so I was the shoulder to cry on....aka...to vent.  I will miss living with him since he truly is a stand up guy.  Moving off the topic of Ryan and the apartment,  I have finally after 29 years of life will have put together a resume.  Not just one I did in high school because my English teacher wanted us to learn how to do it...but to actually use it.  I obviously dragged my feet while doing it and took a total of 3 days with a break of a day in between to complete a rough draft.  I've sent it to family to have them look it over, but haven't pushed them to look at it.  So, here I wait still waiting...anyway...I want to move past that.
     I decided to come visit my buddy Zach in Appleton....a place I formerly lived in.  Although, I'm never pumped for the drive, I was ready to have a "vacation" after getting canned.  After a few days, I was able to met via Internets, the love of his life....lol...I'm exaggerating a bit atm...but who knows...am i right?  My first initial thought was a pass.  Reason being, 1.  It's hard for me to open up right away so there are normally many awkward silences.  2.  Add the 1st reason and the internet and it adds more difficulty. 
     After having a 2nd encounter/skype session....it's clear to me that she's doing her best to "butter" me up.  The rational behind my thinking was during the conversation between the four of us, Mariel's daughter also joined us, Zach and I tried our darnedest to succeed at Tagalog.  Mariel pointed out any and all mistakes by Zach, while complimenting my feeble attempts at the language.  Although very nice, I could only think that she was being nice...and it worked.
     The last thing I would like to say is that I'm truly enjoying my time here in Appleton.  Rarely have I took the time to enjoy myself during the moment.  I've enjoyed many moments, but most of the time the real appreciation came upon reflection.  Even though I don't know what is my next move, I am able to say at this time...that I'm excited for whatever it is.  I mean, this could change if that next move is flippin burgers...but again....that uncertainty isn't a burden.