I would totally name my cat "Poops"

No one who wants to find a soulmate, really wants to be single.  Sure, there are moments in our lives where you might benefit from being single, but the situation still stands that you want to love someone as they love you.  That's a tough code to crack buddy.  I mean, I want to still think there is someone out there for me that won't make me vomit being with them.  Yes, I'm being overly dramatic. For myself, that means going out of my comfort zone to meet new people, especially ladies.  At this juncture, the only new people I meet come through the t-mobile doors and trust me, that's not the best place to pick up the ladies.....although there are always a handful of nice looking ladies that walk through the door.  I know this, yet can't find myself going out.  I can't stand the bar scene although beer googles could help break down some of my barriers.  I could go into religion and try to find a lady that way, but I don't like getting up early on Sundays.  I mean, I'm accepting the fact that I am going to end up single the rest of my life.  I mean, I'm saying to myself, being a cat lady isn't that bad is it?  lol....I don't think I'd end up that bad, but it begs the question, Could I end up that way if I don't change.  I mean, I still feel like I have family with my family....but I don't have "MY FAMILY."  And I don't see that happening until I really make a change.  I just don't know if I have it in me.  And that scares me, and truthfully brings me down.  It makes my situation right now worse.  And that puts me in the same feeling that I'm in a rut.  When things don't change, or I don't allow myself to be open to new possibilities....That's my rut. 
     As far as my job is concerned, I have good days and dull days.  I find that my day is much more enjoyable when the store is busy and I'm interacting with customers.  I like a lot of the people that I work with, but when there is too much down time, you can only bs so long before you start getting antsy.  And being that it is a commission job, I'm losing out at opportunities to make extra cash.  Although, the money thing isn't as big at this time since I'm still trying to learn the ropes.  That challenge is alright.  But I'm not certain if I'll be able to sustain this job for that long.  I mean, there is a chance that I won't be offered a position after the holiday's are over, but my feeling is better than good that I will get a spot as long as I perform.  I'm just not certain if I really want to push myself.  I mean, you kinda have to be a little pushy to get some people to agree to a sale.  I wish sales were easier...lol  Or that I win the lottery.  That could also work.
     I moved in with Ryan a few weeks ago.  I'm not certain how much I'm liking it.  It's difficult because it's a one bedroom apartment so I'm sleeping on the floor in the bedroom.  I mean, I knew that going into it.  It's currently only temporary being that I'm only seasonal, but if that were to change, I can't do this arrangement much longer.  The place that we are staying at isn't great.  I've been waiting for approval to get onto the lease so I can get keys for weeks now.  The person that I've been dealing with has just been blowing smoke up my ass.  I finally talked with the lady who is working on my acceptance to find up my holdups.  T-mobile makes them call a specific phone number to verify employment, and this lady refused because it costs money.  Really?, I had to pay 15.00 for processing.  Shouldn't that money cover that?  What a bitch.  She actually used the phrase, "if there was anything I could do to help, I would"  I was thinking, how about you call that fucking number bitch.  I finally got a couple of pay stubs which was a hassle since I'm doing direct deposit and required me to access my pay stubs online and print them off.  The thing is, I had to request access to my pay stubs, and that took a call to our hr department.  So, it wasn't easy.  She said that was my only hold up.  That wasn't the truth, I found that out today.  I need to get verification from previous landlords.  So I need to get the number to the place we lived at and the place I lived at in Woodbury.  God, what fucks.  I'm already sick of dealing with these mother fuckers up in this joint.  Plus, on top of all of this, the place is a shit hole.  I mean, I've seen much worst before, but the place just feels cheap and messy.  Also, to make this situation a bit more humorous, the apartment we are in is the handicap accessible room.  Just thought I'd share that.  Anyway, I just typed what was on the top of my head.  I hope this brings forth some inspiration on your end and you write me a nice sonnet....or something gay like that.

Ruts

I think thats the hardest thing about life though, being stuck in a rut.  I mean I agree I dont like change either but feeling like you're stuck in a rut isn't easy.  So I mean I get out there I meet people and stuff like that, and its not that I dont like them, its just that maybe I dont fit in?  I dont know if that really makes sense to you.  Not to go back and bring up the past but I haven't found my other half you know? That person that seems to just make everything make sense.  As much as I love Ashley you were right I knew that it wouldnt' work out.  I know that ive only been single for like 5 months. But man it's rough specially when you might someone cause you dont want to get your hopes up.  Then you find out that you were right you shouldn't have cause it ends up not working out.

Work is the same everyday.  Life is the same everyday.  Have to start looking at places coming up cause i know that Joe wants to live by himself this coming year. And you know me i'm not so good at being alone.  I mean I dont know man, its not even about Manila anymore, its just about being happy with who i am, where i am.  I dont know if you understand that but I have a sneaking suspicision you might. I just, i just want to be content for once. Feel like I have direction

Reality Check

     When you came back from Manila, you were riding the high.  I mean, how great was it, it was so good you had no time to blog and only had time to live it up.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  In fact, I applaud you for being able to find something so rare.  I understand that it's not an easy decision to pack of and leave, bc when you went orignally, it was only a vacation with the thoughts of returning after Convergy's used you as a whore.  But in reality, you found something special there.  Not many people can say that.  You have little keeping you here.  I mean, You have family and some friends.  But, distance is superficial considering how easy it is to converse and chat with others on the information super highway.  I ultimately want you to be happy.  I honestly believe that you are in a rut being in Appleton with little changes.  Frankly, that bored the shit out of me.  I loved living with you, but that was about it.  Nothing really changed there.  And that's also an issue that I am trying to conquer.  I don't like a lot of change, but doing the same shit over and over gets lame.  Camp was my special gem.  I mean, I don't need to go into details how great it is.  I just compare Manila to camp and I think, You have to go for it buddy.  You'll have your opportunities to talk with family and friends via facebook, email, and skype.  Truthfully, of those people, who do you really want to see on a day to day basis.  Probably not many.  So, truly, should it be really that difficult to leave. 
     The counter argument would be a few things.  If you were to move to Manila, would to fantasy eventually become only a reality.  Also, would you be moving into the same position you are currently at when you head over to Manila, or would there be a chance at a promotion or worse/demotion.  If things truly go sour, would you be able to just up and leave?  Or would you have to commit to a long term deal if you go over there.  For example, a 2-5 year contract.  If you end up getting paid less then what you currently are, (I understand things are cheaper there), but would you be able to come back to the states if things were to get bad.  Aka, would you beg your parents for a plane ticket back?  Also, it's a third world country, how slow are there internet speeds?  Could you live with dial up?  Come on, Really?
     The last thing, since this is weighing on your mind?  What's holding you back?  Why not take the plunge?  Let's discuss this.
    
    

It was hard IKR

Yeah i know it wasn't hard, I just never got around to it, kept getting pushed down my list of priorities. But now that it is made I can update it at work :)

So I have a lot to think quickly about Manila as it seems that there might be positions opening sooner than I had thought.  Part of me definitely wants to take it but its still scary you know picking up your life and moving everything.  So yeah lots of thinking to do.  I also took tomorrow (friday off) if you want to level together.

Getting it started

OMG, this was sooooo hard to start.  I can't believe I didn't do this earlier.  (sarcasm)