No one who wants to find a soulmate, really wants to be single. Sure, there are moments in our lives where you might benefit from being single, but the situation still stands that you want to love someone as they love you. That's a tough code to crack buddy. I mean, I want to still think there is someone out there for me that won't make me vomit being with them. Yes, I'm being overly dramatic. For myself, that means going out of my comfort zone to meet new people, especially ladies. At this juncture, the only new people I meet come through the t-mobile doors and trust me, that's not the best place to pick up the ladies.....although there are always a handful of nice looking ladies that walk through the door. I know this, yet can't find myself going out. I can't stand the bar scene although beer googles could help break down some of my barriers. I could go into religion and try to find a lady that way, but I don't like getting up early on Sundays. I mean, I'm accepting the fact that I am going to end up single the rest of my life. I mean, I'm saying to myself, being a cat lady isn't that bad is it? lol....I don't think I'd end up that bad, but it begs the question, Could I end up that way if I don't change. I mean, I still feel like I have family with my family....but I don't have "MY FAMILY." And I don't see that happening until I really make a change. I just don't know if I have it in me. And that scares me, and truthfully brings me down. It makes my situation right now worse. And that puts me in the same feeling that I'm in a rut. When things don't change, or I don't allow myself to be open to new possibilities....That's my rut.
As far as my job is concerned, I have good days and dull days. I find that my day is much more enjoyable when the store is busy and I'm interacting with customers. I like a lot of the people that I work with, but when there is too much down time, you can only bs so long before you start getting antsy. And being that it is a commission job, I'm losing out at opportunities to make extra cash. Although, the money thing isn't as big at this time since I'm still trying to learn the ropes. That challenge is alright. But I'm not certain if I'll be able to sustain this job for that long. I mean, there is a chance that I won't be offered a position after the holiday's are over, but my feeling is better than good that I will get a spot as long as I perform. I'm just not certain if I really want to push myself. I mean, you kinda have to be a little pushy to get some people to agree to a sale. I wish sales were easier...lol Or that I win the lottery. That could also work.
I moved in with Ryan a few weeks ago. I'm not certain how much I'm liking it. It's difficult because it's a one bedroom apartment so I'm sleeping on the floor in the bedroom. I mean, I knew that going into it. It's currently only temporary being that I'm only seasonal, but if that were to change, I can't do this arrangement much longer. The place that we are staying at isn't great. I've been waiting for approval to get onto the lease so I can get keys for weeks now. The person that I've been dealing with has just been blowing smoke up my ass. I finally talked with the lady who is working on my acceptance to find up my holdups. T-mobile makes them call a specific phone number to verify employment, and this lady refused because it costs money. Really?, I had to pay 15.00 for processing. Shouldn't that money cover that? What a bitch. She actually used the phrase, "if there was anything I could do to help, I would" I was thinking, how about you call that fucking number bitch. I finally got a couple of pay stubs which was a hassle since I'm doing direct deposit and required me to access my pay stubs online and print them off. The thing is, I had to request access to my pay stubs, and that took a call to our hr department. So, it wasn't easy. She said that was my only hold up. That wasn't the truth, I found that out today. I need to get verification from previous landlords. So I need to get the number to the place we lived at and the place I lived at in Woodbury. God, what fucks. I'm already sick of dealing with these mother fuckers up in this joint. Plus, on top of all of this, the place is a shit hole. I mean, I've seen much worst before, but the place just feels cheap and messy. Also, to make this situation a bit more humorous, the apartment we are in is the handicap accessible room. Just thought I'd share that. Anyway, I just typed what was on the top of my head. I hope this brings forth some inspiration on your end and you write me a nice sonnet....or something gay like that.
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